As Benjamin Franklin said in 1789, `Nothing in this life is certain but death and taxes.’ And, while some of the wealthiest people in society try to find loopholes and off-shore accounts to avoid the latter, there is nothing anyone can do to escape the former. We are all going to die: get used to it!
Death is a part of life for every single living thing and yet, we humans are constantly in search of ways to live forever. Modern medicine has created an expectation that all illnesses can be cured. But that is far from the case and, if they could, imagine how overcrowded our little planet would be. We have to die in order for future generations to thrive and yet, in the West, death is a taboo subject. People avoid writing their last will & testament in case it’s `bad luck’ and heralds their demise. Nothing halts a conversation quicker than broaching the subject of illness and dying. It’s as though talking about death will induce it there and then – the lightning rod of doom: Speak my name and I’ll strike you down!
Personally, I want to be prepared – or as prepared as possible. No one can prepare for the bus that mounts the kerb or the shop window that crashes to the pavement. But what I have done is make sure that my will is written and signed (and witnessed – it’s no use otherwise) and my wishes are known to my family: where I want to be buried, what songs I want sung and poems read, whether or not I want a memorial of any sort and the fact that I want to donate my organs – just in case the oak tree at my back decides to uproot itself on top of me as I sit by the lake. Stranger things have happened!
I always think that sudden death must be very difficult for the family and friends who are left to mourn. There’s no chance for saying goodbyes: no opportunity to say all those things you wanted to say but never got round to. But, for the person who passes, it’s often quick – with little time to suffer. For that we can be grateful. When someone is diagnosed with a terminal illness, however, although there is the time to say and do everything we want to; to make our peace, the pain and suffering can be drawn out and is hard for both the person dying and their family. I know: I’ve experienced both with my family and friends. The swings and roundabouts of mortality.
My distant healing list currently includes five people who are at the end of their lives on this plane. They range from 82, down to just 39 years of age. The younger ones are the most difficult to accept. We want them to get well. We absolutely do not want to lose them at such a young age. And it’s hard to accept that it’s not within our control to say when loved ones should or shouldn’t die.
A couple of years ago, I was asked to send Reiki to a baby who was diagnosed with leukaemia aged just 4 months. When sending Reiki to those who are critically ill or at the end of life, I say the following prayer:
If now is their time to pass, make their passing peaceful and pain free; if now is not their time, make their recovery swift and complete.
Sadly, the baby died a couple of months later. For whatever reason, it was his time to go. For a few months he brought joy to those who loved him and his memory will be remembered through a trust fund set up by his parents to help others in their situation. But he was not long for this world.
A little while ago my granddaughter, then aged about 8 or 9, asked me, `Granny, what happens when people die?’ Gosh – that was a tricky one. She had lost one granddad and an uncle, her parents are humanist, her other grandmother is a Catholic, her step-granddad is a Buddhist and my beliefs are spiritual but not religious. How to not offend anyone – or upset my granddaughter? And yet I will not to lie to children or try to sugar the pill.
So I said, `Well, if you talk to your mummy and daddy, they’ll tell you that we’re on earth to make the most of our lives and, when we die that’s that. If you talk to Grandma, she’ll tell you that we go to live with Jesus in Heaven. If you talk to Granddad, he’ll tell you that our souls, the bit inside all of us that makes us who we are, will come back to earth in another form.
The reality is, no one knows for certain. So, really it’s up to you to decide what feels right for you. ‘
And that’s all any of us can do – find out what belief works for us, live life to the full and focus on making ourselves and others as happy and fulfilled as possible. And, in the meantime – preparation, preparation, preparation. Talk about what you want; make that will and don’t leave the house on a sour note. You never know when that great oak might fall!
Reiki in Wanstead 