No lakeside meditation for me today – gardening instead, which I always think of as very meditative anyway. Meditation doesn’t have to be sitting cross legged on a special cushion chanting,`Om‘: it can be anything that clears our mind of the everyday chatter that goes round and round. Sitting knitting and being absorbed in creating a garment is very meditative, so is painting, angling, sewing, swimming in fact, any act that stills what the Buddhists call the chattering mind.
We all have it, that inner dialogue. Some people call it a`monkey mind‘ constantly on the move, jumping from one thought to another, never settling: some organisations such as More 2 Life, a personal development movement started by Brad Brown and Roy Whitten, refer to it as Mindtalk.
I have a recollection from childhood of Popeye with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. A very graphic representation of his inner dialogue. That devil was his Mindtalk.
It’s the way we sabotage ourselves. The chattering mind is always critical. It tells us that we can’t do something because…. and then fills in the blanks with any number of negative thoughts that have plagued us all our lives; we’re too old or too young; too short or too tall; too loud or too quite, boring, useless, stupid …. on and on it goes like a turbine, generating more and more self doubt.
When I was thirteen, a boys said to me, in front of several other teenagers, `My mate said you were pretty.’
Having a grandmother who always referred to me as `handsome’ (which in my book meant masculine!) I glowed with pride and allowed myself to take in this complement – and from a boy as well! I was over the moon. And then he followed it up with `Yeah, pretty ugly!’
He laughed. All the others laughed. And I wanted to crawl away. The belief that I was ugly was planted in my chattering mind and came out every time anyone paid me a complement – for decades!
When I saw a photo of myself, I saw a nose that was too big, lips that were too thin, teeth that were crooked. That chattering mind just wouldn’t shut up. Apart from the fact that physical beauty is subjective, it’s also superficial. Real beauty comes from deep within us – and it’s based on authenticity and truth. And, truth telling is the only way to silence those chattering minds of ours. Telling the truth is the angel on Popeye’s shoulder, counteracting the devil on the other.
I am much older now and, hopefully, wiser than I was at 13 and have spent years working on myself and my demons. I attack my chattering mind as I attack my garden; weeding out the dross, getting rid of the dead wood and self criticisms. Instead, I nurture the plants – and thoughts – that I want in order to create a place of peace and beauty.
But gardening, like self improvement, is not a one-off job. We need to be constantly alert for those naughty little weeds that will keep coming back and sabotaging us: the couch grass of our minds. We need to dig deep and haul them out by the roots – again and again and again. It’s a lifetime’s work.
But, even if you do keep cutting out the dross, don’t expect it to be all sweet smelling roses. The loveliest gardens will have barrows full of manure heaped on them regularly in order to bring out the best blooms.
So be prepared for shed loads of shit in life – it will make you stronger and you’ll grow more beautiful as a result!
Reiki in Wanstead 